As I prepare the children for school and myself for work, my three year old son inquires, “Mommy? How come you have to work?” It’s a question that’s been ruminating in my head since I first became a mother more than eight years ago.
Over the years, my reason for working has become more clear. Initially, I worked out of necessity – work is a means to earn money and provide for my family. Although this is still the primary reason I continue to work, there is a higher purpose.
I work because it’s part of who I am and adds meaning to my life, just like my children do.
As a fellow a working mom, you may have similar reasons for juggling a career and family. Or, you may be struggling to decide your perfect balance between the two. Here are some considerations that can help:
Pros of working
When you’re working, you can:
- Contribute to your family’s earnings;
- Maintain, or advance, your career;
- Benefit from intellectual challenges and professional relationships;
- Give your children the opportunity to develop social skills in a childcare/school setting;
- Feel a personal sense of value and fulfillment.
Cons of working
The downside of working means you may:
- Have increased stress to meet the conflicting demands of work and family;
- Not spend as much time with your friends and family;
- Be constantly distracted by your family when you’re at work (and visa versa);
- Experience the guilt of leaving your children with a caregiver every day;
- Dread the weekend, which have become filled with errands, laundry, chores and shopping.
Of course, most working moms have weighed the pros and cons hundreds of times, yet still struggle to answer the question, Should I work?
First, it’s important to realize that you needn’t seek an “all or nothing” solution; life changes and so can your decision to work. So whether you decide to keep your traditional, full-time job, work part-time, start a home-based business or quit work altogether, you’re never stuck in that situation forever. This alone may give you some freedom to breathe and see your situation from a fresh perspective.
Next, here are three questions you can ask yourself before deciding whether you should work:
1. How much do I need to earn?
Nothing beats creating a good, ‘ol fashioned budget. Many families live paycheck to paycheck simply because they haven’t exercised the discipline of basic financial planning. Perhaps this is because the word “budget” can feel constraining and restrictive. Yet, a budget is really your “freedom tool” when used effectively.
Review your spending in the last month. A quick assessment may reveal that money you think you “need” is really seeping through the cracks. An example of this is the monthly cable bill, which tends to carry a number of required and optional service fees (i.e. DVR, HD, etc.). Figure out where you’re plain overspending and you may find that you really can afford not to work!
2. What’s your motivation for working?
The financial motivation is obvious. Work is a means for earning money that affords you the lifestyle you’re accustomed to living. But, if money were not a factor, would you still work? If so, would you be doing what you’re doing now? Think about what really drives you to stay in your current job.
When you look beyond the financial aspect of work, you may find that you have to work because you thrive on the social interaction or intellectual challenge. Or you hunger to be recognized for your professional achievements. Work provides so many benefits beyond the money. So what keeps you there?
3. What can you live with?
It’s hard not to be influenced by the social pressures placed on mothers. Consider the flurry of debate ABC News anchor Elizabeth Vargas created when she announced her decision to leave her post to care for her children in 2006. The world wants to tell you how you should parent, yet the world doesn’t have the final say.
At the end of the day, you’ve got to live with your choice. If work is having a negative affect on your family, or yourself (i.e. depression, anxiety, etc.), then the best decision may be to leave your full-time career. But if you know that leaving work would create even greater stress than staying, then find another option that works for you.
Don’t wait – act.
You may spend hours, days, months, and years toiling over the question: Should I work? While it is important to carefully consider your options and develop an organized plan, I also urge you to take action. Procrastinating won’t resolve the situation, but action will.
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Great article Michele! I think this is a big debate in the minds of many mothers. This is wonderful information for those that are deciding what they want to do.
Years ago I was struggling with this same question – not only should I work, but also should I accept a big promotion. I really struggled until…..I got really clear on what was ultimately most important to me. I confronted myself about my values, those non-negotiables that I said I really cared about. I realized I’d been compromising my value around family for years. When I finally asked to work part-time, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders – even more so when my proposal was accepted.
I spent the next 7 years of my career answering the question when I was coming back full-time. I never went back full time. It was the best decision I ever made. My sons are now 19 and 21, well established in school and we have great communication.
My decision was so grounded in what was really important to me that I left the promotions for someone else and I’ve never had any regrets.
Great article. I posted my own question/dilemma piece about 3 hours ago on this topic. Hot button issue for women everywhere. I’m striving to find balance with my choices. Oy.
Good Question! Obviously with such a personal question there is no right or wrong answer. I agree with Jennifer that finding a balance is an important goal for all working moms. Having recently transitioned from working outside the home (for someone else) to working from home I still experience mommy guilt. I remind myself that I am working hard now to build a better future tomorrow, however I recognize the need to take “time off” to just be a mom and enjoy time with my son.