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“To tell you the truth…” happens to be one of those nuances in people’s speech that drives me absolutely crazy. Of course, the implication is that everything that preceded that disclaimer, was false. But, yesterday I realized that even though I avoid saying, “To tell you the truth,” or its equally distasteful companion, “To be honest,” I don’t always tell the truth.

Before you label me as the biggest liar and fraud out there, let me assert that you’re in the same boat. Yea…you are.

This revelation struck me the other day when I was chatting with a few moms after school while our kids frolicked on the playground. One of the moms broke away from our conversation to talk with an adolescent girl walking by and when she returned to our conversation she said, “That was one of my son’s friends.”

Then the long, painful and awkward silence. You see, she lost her son earlier this year in a terrible bus accident and I was speechless. So I stood there fumbling for the right thing to say. Honestly (see there it is), I wanted to blurt, “I have no idea what to say. Losing him must really suck.” But that sounded so improper and well…stupid. I wasn’t alone either, the mom flanking her other side was sitting there looking a bit dumbfounded too.

That experience made me realize just how dishonest many of us can be. We’re not malicious or intentionally dishonest, but we put on our “happy faces” a lot and eventually we lie about what we’re really thinking or feeling. This not only affects our relationships with the people around us, but the relationship we keep with ourselves. We lose intimacy and real, authentic conversations that need to be spoken and heard.

The very reason many working moms are stuck in an unending spiral of work/life havoc is directly related to this lack of truth and honesty.

Now, I’m not advocating that you go out and blurt to your boss, “If you didn’t have that title on your door, you’d be totally worthless.” That would be downright tacky and rude. I am suggesting that we come from behind the “super mom” demeanor many of us use to shield our flaws, mistakes and shortcomings, and take a stab at being ourselves. Imagine how freeing that would be!

Argh…

OK. You’re off the hook for now because ‘Lil Man is waking up from his nap. But don’t think for a minute that this conversation isn’t over! I’ll have more to say on it later.

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