Thanks for visiting! If you're new here, you may want to sign up for my RSS feed or automatic email updates - it's free!
Lately, my home feels like a battleground as my three children - 7, 5 and nearly 3 - engage in non-stop verbal, and sometimes physical, disputes over just about everything. Most of it is initiated by my clever little boy, who attempts to leverage his position in the family as “the baby” to his advantage. Usually we’re pretty good about seeing past his manipulative tactics and just avoid engaging in them. But today, my eldest daughter lost control of herself and within minutes I overheard a fairly benign interaction between them turn into a full-out screaming match, with my daughter doing most of the screaming.After completing my own mini-relaxation process (deep breaths and a quick prayer), I pulled her aside to talk about the situation. After explaining her side of the story she sobbed, “I just don’t know what to do!” Great…another “mom moment” where I swoop in to save the day…let me think…quick.
My impulse was to break out some of my The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Translated into 7-year-old speak, “When you fight with your little brother you get stuck in the Angry Circle. No matter what you do, you just get angrier and angrier; so does he. Instead of getting so angry, you can get out of the Angry Circle and move into to the Happy Circle. That might mean walking away and doing something else, being quiet and listening to your brother, or coming to me for help. Once your brother sees that you’re not in the Angry Circle anymore he’ll stop because it’s no fun to be angry all by himself. He’ll want to join your Happy Circle. Get it?”
She nodded tentatively (obviously, not buying my Angry Circle - Happy Circle explanation). Nonetheless, within a few minutes we were off to another topic of discussion and laughing about it. I think she was telling me about a Flat Stanley
Moments later, our little “baby” walked into the room wanting to get in on our fun. With a look of surprise and disbelief, my daughter looked up at me and said, “Hey….it worked!” We all ended up laughing together in the Happy Circle.
1 response so far ↓
1 Aileen // Aug 15, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I’ve been trying something similar with my 6 and 7 year old boys. I explain to them that it’s easier to get what you want when you give the other person what he or she wants. I suggest that to get what they want, they should try to figure out what their brother, or whoever else they’re dealing with, wants and give it to them. This often works, although, my 6 year old needs to work on his finesse as he walked up to his grandmother and demanded, “I want to make cookies. What do you want?”
Leave a Comment