This morning my son, who loves to help me with housework, was vacuuming the dust from the corners of my bedroom. As he was whooshed the vacuum extension around, he caught hold of something underneath my nightstand and it made a terrible sound.

I rushed over to him and found my book, How to Win Friends & Influence People, vibrating on the end of the vacuum extension. Huh…I was wondering where that was!

As he continued to clean up my room (gotta love that!), I sat on the bed, flipping through the book. Although I had originally purchased the book to help me in my business, I rediscovered some principles that I remember wanting to put into practice with my kids. Here are some that I thought I’d share…

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. OK, I’m a bit on the fence with this idea, especially after reading how women tend to shirk away from conflict and ultimately undermine their success. But, everything needs to be taken into context, right? So, I suppose the idea here is to discern whether it’s appropriate to get into a verbal debate with your toddler, grade-schooler or teen. An argument rarely solves anything or has much positive influence.
2. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. I often hear parents, and sometimes myself, say to their children, “God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason!” Yet, it’s rare that those same parents (myself included) actually follow the principle behind that exhortation. The message we all need to hear is listen more. Our children are brilliant and although they may not always have the words to articulate their wisdom, if we took more time to listen, maybe we’d be better mothers who respond appropriately to the needs of our children.
3. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. The other cliché statement I hear from parents is, “I know what it’s like to be your age, so trust me!” To some extent, we do know, but to a larger extent, we’ll never know. Every person wants to be seen as a unique human being…you, me and our kids. Take time to listen to your children, but instead of listening with the intent to respond…listen with your mind and heart open to receive something new, that you don’t know.

The book continues with nine more principles to win people to your way of thinking and also offers principles for making people like you, and one of my favorites, ways to change people without arousing resentment (good for husbands or stubborn bosses and co-workers!).

It’s small enough to shove into my purse, so maybe I’ll take it with me on the plane ride tonight and soak in some more principles. (My mini-vacation starts this evening — woo-hoo!).