I may be a classic introvert, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy people. In fact, I love connecting with others and being a connector for others. Connecting, nurturing those amazing relationships with others, is fun and as a business owner, it’s profitable. You’re familiar with the adage, “People do business with those they like and trust.” It all comes down to those amazing relationships.
But as with anything of real pleasure, it can be a double-edged sword.
Leap, and the net will appear – right?
Besides being an introvert who loves people, I’m also a high-achiever, which means when I’m in – I’m all in and a BIG bag of chips! So when an opportunity presents itself to connect with more people, for business or otherwise, I tend to leap in.
And I found my net alright – the Internet!
In 2007, imagine my delight when I began to notice the rapid emergence of social media – blogs, LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, etc. It was like connecting candy for me and it didn’t take long for me to jump into the online playground where I discovered new “friends” and business opportunities – all from the comfort and convenience of my home! That was the upside.
The downside is that I can’t be everywhere, even in the virtual space. Trying to manage a presence on multiple social networking sites, plus nurturing offline relationships, is nearly impossible – if you value sleep and quality connections, and I do. I’d much rather develop a strong relationship with a small handful and enjoy meaningful dialogue, than have thousands of hollow, empty friendships.
Am I being a good friend?
I don’t think so. Social media has turned “friend” into a verb (“Friend me.”) and it’s misleading. If I’m spread between dozens of communities – offline and online – we’re probably not really friends, just social acquaintances who happen to be in the same room. We’re not connecting – really. And I don’t enjoy those kinds of relationships.
So, since the beginning of this year I’ve been slowly weening myself off of various social networking sites and releasing the virtual tether to my laptop and iPhone. I closed down the Ning site I set up for The Integrated Mother and I’m moments from ending the LinkedIn group too. I’ve returned to the philosophy I’ve used in my offline networking: Quality over quantity. If you want to find me and truly “friend” me, please…I welcome you:
- To connect online, you can find me here, at Write to Incite or on Twitter. Every now and then, I’ll pop onto Facebook or LinkedIn.
- To connect in person, catch me at a NAWBO-Phoenix meeting or IABC-Phoenix event.
If I can’t be all in, I don’t want to be in at all.
Putting in a half-effort has never been my thing – at work, at home or in relationships. But that’s what happened with social media. I was a part of too many. I was putting in a half-effort. When I friended you, I only became your half-friend (ok, really your 1/100th-friend because I was all over the place!).
Social media, I still adore you! But, my journey with you caused me to lose sight of connections that truly matter to me. It caused me to be spread thin. As a working mom, it’s the kiss of death – feeling stretched between too many roles and responsibilities, only to be left empty and exhausted at the end of the day. No thanks. Life is too short.
Quality over quantity – that’s my connection philosophy and I’m stickin’ to it!
How are you doing it?
I imagine that my experience isn’t unlike many working moms who are juggling relationships online and offline. Where do you commit most of your time? What tips do you have for staying connected without losing yourself or your priorities in the process?
Please share in your comments.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post. And I can relate. I have gotten more involved with Linked In than I planned to and Facebook as well. I would prefer for my friends (the real deal) to come and visit my blog to know what is going on in my world…. but I found myself swept in to the social media saga as well. Pulling on time and removing me from other things in my life.
Thanks for reminding me that we need to find a few and focus on them – instead of trying to be everywhere at once. This is supposed to be for fun (at least for me) and not a chore, right?
That’s exactly what made me re-evaluate my involvement in so many social media sites – it was becoming work and often that work didn’t produce anything of real value to me: quality relationships or revenue. So I stepped back and asked myself Where can I offer/receive the most value?
Thanks for the comment!
Yes, there are a gazillion and one places that you could be in the social media arena. I use twitter and facebok (mainly IRL friends). I don’t attend many of the twitter parties and such (unless I or a personal friend is hosting). My schedule is too full!
I hear ya on that Kim! Even though is sounds convenient to socialize online, it can quickly eat up your time. Thanks for stopping by.
Bravo, Michele. Being a boomer, it’s been easier for me to resist the “need” for the multi-level of connectedness. I’ve been using email since 1994 and have struggled with my compulsion there, so I’m careful not to add tethers. Just watching Digital Nation online (PBS Frontline): http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/digitalnation/view/
Thanks for the link Pat! I’m always amazed at how the technology that tethers me today – social media, iPhone, etc. – and I say keeps me “effective,” wasn’t even a consideration in the early 90s and I’m pretty sure I was more effective then.
I relate to this post so much, Michele! I have found that I simply cannot be everywhere, all of the time – online or otherwise. I, too, have been paring down in favor of quality…
Thanks Stephanie. It’s been hard for me to pare down my social media activity. The usual culprits – guilt, worry, etc. – arise as I wonder if I’m insulting anyone, losing “popularity,” or missing out on the latest buzz, by being online less. But I’m learning that those concerns are really insignificant when I’m truly connecting with people in the few online neighborhoods I still frequent.
My primary sources of connection are Twitter and Facebook. I recently *gasp* unfollowed EVERYONE on Twitter because I could not keep up with all of the noise. I wanted to connect with my fav people and those who have been there for me. I didn’t want people who have been for me in the past to feel as if they were unimportant. I had to start over so that I could be there to acknowledge people and participate in discussion. I like Facebook for continuing convos from Twitter in a more intimate environment (my tweets stream through my Facebook account). I look at my Facebook account and wonder if I should do a purge there too.
I’ve been toying with following your lead on that one Sheena. I did unfollow many “courtesy follow-backs” I had accumulated over time (following back just because they follow me), but really I could cut down my list even more. I’d love to see statistics that show the percentages of followers that truly engage with me (i.e. read my tweets, reply, etc.). My feeling is that it’s fewer than 10% are true connections.
You know, I have thought deeply about this over the past few weeks. I have decided I cannot do Twitter anymore. It’s a half-hearted effort on my part and way too many people to keep straight and stay connected with. I’m ready to go back to good old fashioned commenting on blogs…that’s how I have formed the best relationships with other bloggers. It may be a step backwards as far as social media, but it’s easier to manage and still feel like I’m making true connections.
Hi! Seeing your comment is a perfect example of how my venture in social media caused me to lose touch with fellow bloggers I enjoyed pre-Twitter…somehow I lost touch with you! Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment – the old-fashioned way.