Today kicks off a month-long focus on “spring cleaning” and the first dusty closet most working moms must clean up is the dreary recesses of our minds.
Every morning, I receive Google alerts that update me on the buzz on working moms and work-life balance. Often, I delete the alerts without clicking on the links because so many of them have titles that are just plain negative. I’d rather start my day with something uplifting, than commiserate with (or read about) the generally unhappy and discontent working moms out there.
Don’t get me wrong, my life isn’t the perfect picture of positivity (How’s that for an alliteration?) 100% of the time. In fact, I spent a good amount of time in 2009 complaining my heart out about how hard it is to be a working mom. But at the turn of the year, I committed to changing my perspective because all the whining wasn’t making my work-life any better.
So, let’s just get it out of the way: Being a working mom is hard. Got it. Let’s move on.
One of my greatest challenges as a mother isn’t in juggling all my responsibilities or raising confident, kind children. It’s not in advancing my career while raising a family. It’s not in maintaining a loving relationship with my husband who often gets the left over pieces of me. No – those don’t even come close to my greatest challenge as a working mom.
My greatest challenge, and one that I suspect most working moms struggle with, is my thinking.
Guilt is #1. Countless words have been spoken or written about “mom guilt” and it all centers around our thinking. We buy into an image of what a working mom should do and be, and if we don’t meet up to that image, we feel guilty. Over time the creep of inadequacy fills us as we wonder, “How is she doing it all?”
And that’s why I’ve stopped reading those Google alerts in the morning. Before I lift my head from my pillow, I’m already assaulted by leftover thoughts from the previous day’s to-do list with tasks left undone or the angry outburst that roared out of me when my child spilled milk on my cell phone. So filling it up with more banter about the difficulties of working motherhood doesn’t help.
Instead, I take a deep breath (OK…maybe like 10 deep breaths), roll out of bed, and groggily brew a cup of coffee. With the cadence of my coffee percolating and the blissful snores of my family in the distant background, I sit at the kitchen table to soak in the silence. And I just breathe…again…because I know that once the day really begins I might not enjoy a full breath until the next morning.
Then, I begin to silently pray. I’m not begging God to change my life though. My prayers are filled with gratitude as I silently name every thing that I am thankful for at the moment.
Coffee is done. I grab my notebook and jot down the lingering thoughts racing through my mind. Sometimes I write senseless phrases and words – “so tired,” “pancake mix,” “call”. Other times, I make a to-do list for the day. Occasionally, I’ll draft an entire article or be inspired to write copy for a client.
Not long after, I’m lacing up my running shoes and heading out the door to meet my friend for a run. On the drive to our meet up spot, I think quietly about the day and throw in a few affirmations for good measure, “I am a creative, productive and profitable writer.” We run 4 miles, though I usually want to walk after 3½. Either way, the run helps clear my head a bit and though I may feel physically tired (by now it’s only 6:30 am), my mind is alert and ready to go.
From there, I rely on the powerful belief of Viktor Frankel, “Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” I choose to think differently. And on some days, I’m making those choices every minute just to get through the day.
Your turn. What steps are you taking to clean your mind of the things that normally plague working mom’s thoughts? Please share!
image credit: munchkinmoo – Fotolia.com
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You don’t have to be a working mom to benefit from Michele’s article.
Aw shucks…thanks Bart. Appreciate you stopping by and leaving a comment (especially a nice one like that!).
I too vowed to change my perspective recently, because the external reality of my life wasn’t going to change any time soon. I work full-time and have two small children – that’s hard no matter how you slice it. But when I started to tune in to what was going on in my head, I was shocked to find how negative it was. So, the two biggest changes I have made are to call out all of the little bits of joy each day that usually go unnoticed and to pay closer attention to my self-talk to unlearn my negativity habit. It’s not always easy, but it’s going well!
That’s awesome Meg! Thanks for sharing your experience. I’ve noticed that when I intentionally work to think (and speak) positively, it not only improves my mood but the kids are affected as well – in a good way!
Thank you for this post as well.
Great reminder – “as a man thinketh… so is he.” Prov. 23:7
You got it Katherine! I actually read that scripture before I wrote this post.