“If I don’t do it, it won’t get done.” That complaint has spilled from my lips more times than I can count. It’s usually said with the a sprinkle of resentment, a peppering of exhaustion and a healthy dose of “I’m such a martyr” pride, which is like a reward for all my motherly sacrifices.
Whenever I find myself saying those words, I know I’ve taken on too much. I’ve made my life too complicated and I need to ask for help. It’s difficult. I’m a recovering perfectionist, type-A mom. I like things done a certain way, my way. But I’ve learned to let it go. It’s just one more way that I’ve simplified my life. Here’s how:
Figure out what to give away.
This takes a bit of finesse and it’s important to be open to giving away things that you might enjoy or prefer to do on your own. For instance, I actually find it calming to hand-wash dishes. It’s meditative (and I like how clean my dishes end up – told you, type-A). But my husband and eight year old can do them just fine and there is probably something else I could be doing in the meantime.
Have the end in mind.
When you give away a task, focus on the end result you want to see, not the process (or “how to”) of getting the job done. Also, consider what you might want beyond the DOing part of the task. My favorite example of this comes from Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People when he describes delegating the task of mowing the lawn to his son. As he works through the delegation process he reminds himself, “Raise boys, not grass.”
Offer clear expectations, then let it go.
Whether you’re handing over a task to your spouse, child or employee, clearly describe the “end in mind” you envisioned. If there are guidelines to be followed, say so (i.e. “The trash should go out daily.”). If there are resources available, share them (i.e. “I’m here if you need help.”). Finally, be sure to add some accountability (i.e. “If I notice the trash sitting in the kitchen for two days, I’ll ask you about it.”).
Let it go…again. Invariably, you’ll be struck with the urge to step in and take over a job you’ve delegated. Resist! It’s important to let the person move forward without your direct interference. Remember, getting the task done is more important that how it’s done. Wait. Trust. Let it go. Only intervene if things are going wildly off track.
Learn and grow.
Delegation isn’t easy. It’s a learned skill and it takes time to do well. Start by delegating small tasks then work toward bigger tasks. Over time it will become easier and you’ll appreciate the extra time it gives you.
This post is a part of a series:
Related posts:
{ 1 trackback }