The girls and I just finished having lunch with my husband. The bill came to $50 before tip and I didn’t even get a real drink – just water with lemon – sheez! Of course, the server asked, “Would you care for desert?” and I mentally thought with my usual attitude, “Uh, only if you cared to include it in the meal I just overpaid for,” but instead replied, “No, thank you,” and smiled (or maybe it was a wince). The girls protested, “But Mom!” and persisted to whine until I was finally able to get the lingering server to go away.
“When will they ever be satisfied?!” I furiously wondered. Then, my thoughts turned on me and asked with equal fervor, “When will you be satisfied?” Touché.
I realized, then, that a large part of the I’m-out-of-balance argument bellowing from the mouths of working moms doesn’t always relate to an imbalance of time, which is where most of the attention is given. It’s an imbalance in focus.
Our thinking is often forward-focused and goal-oriented. So much, that we rarely stop to enjoy the life we have today. We think in terms of what we will achieve, what we want to have, and how we’ll go about getting it all. Rarely do we linger (like that pesky server at the restaurant) long enough to feel satisfaction in the moment.
As I look back on my life, I recognize a pattern of continuous discontent. Not because I was unhappy, but because I was always striving for more than what I had. I still do it today. When I wake up in the morning my prayers are filled with exhortations for God to answer my deepest desires and open the floodgates to my dreams. As I move through my day, I constantly asking myself, “Is what I’m doing right now, moving me closer to my goal?” And when I end the day, I evaluate my activity against my goals and put my head on my pillow thinking about the future.
It’s no surprise that I’m raising children who seem to be insatiable. I model insatiability every single day!
Of course, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have goals. I believe in them! I know that having them gives us a purpose and a focus, especially in the midst of a day when you’re consumed with menial tasks like cleaning baseboards, making photocopies, or picking the boogers your kids wiped on your jeans off. But, we must balance that intense focus on the future, with an appreciation for today. We must just be satisfied that all the hard work we’ve put into our lives, today, is enough.
I’m enough.
You’re enough.
We’re enough.
Enough.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
As women I think we’re trained to feel like this…sometimes. But your right…we need to start training ourselves to think, feel and say…it’s enough..sometimes
Good post- got me thinking.
On the one hand, I do always want more, on the other I think if you stop having desires, that’s what dead is for.
I do think there needs to be a balance of some kind though- maybe appreciating what we do have while still wanting more or better for ourselves and our families.
WOW, Michele. Thanks for the slap upside the head.
Even though I’m working part-time now I feel like I’m working harder than ever. If I’m not doing somethign toward the future –whether it’s writing, coming up with new projects, looking for work, blogging, or cooking dinner — I feel, well..kind of “off”. It’s a bad mentality.
I’ve been feeling for weeks like I need to set up a schedule (time for work, time for personal projects, and time for family) and stick to it. Thanks for the motivation to make this happen ASAP. Work will come in time and project ideas can be jotted down and tackled at the right moment, but little boy will only be 6-years old and going on his first field trip into NYC once… a teenager will only be excited about tackling her first room painting project for a fleeting moment… All this has happened in my family in the past week and I’ve been worried about work.
Thanks so much for the reality check.
This is how I look at it. Yes we should always be working towards our goals but we can still have satisfaction in the moment…in what today is offering us. For example, I’m starting school (hopefully) this semester so even though I will be working towards a future goal I can still be content with the day to day tasks that will eventually get me there.
Whatever I do for today is enough. At the same time every day I am learning and discovering something new which will eventually get me to another place in my life.