When I created The Integrated Mother® in 2005, I was a working mom. I’m still a working mom, but the kind of work I do and the way it fits into my life is definitely different today. Then, I was a naive corporate expatriate making her way as an independent Human Resources consultant. Even though I was calling my own shots, my mentality was definitely still “corporate” as I essentially recreated my outside-of-work life inside my home. It took awhile to find my groove as a work-at-home mom, but I did it.
Then in 2006, I happened to catch a bit of Good Morning America where Diane Sawyer announced a segment on the “mommy wars” that essentially pitted working moms against those who left their careers to raise their children.
I was intrigued and annoyed. Having worked in Human Resources, I had seen and experienced my fair share of woman-on-woman bitterness in the workplace. I noticed that women who were friendly as individual contributors became fierce enemies when one of them rose through the ranks faster. My observations were later confirmed when I read Pat Heim’s provocative book, In the Company of Women
The battle between working moms and stay-at-homes moms being played by the media was frustrating and rocked my groove a bit. I began to question my value and worth as a career professional compared to the moms who had decided to maintain their traditional careers outside the home. I felt stuck in the middle as a work-at-home mom. I aspired for greatness in my business; my career was and is important to me. Yet, I also wanted the flexibility and ability to be there for my kids when they needed me (and in all truth, when I needed them).
So I watched the drama over the “mommy wars” unfold on the TV for the next several months. After awhile it bored me. And without sounding completely indifferent, I just didn’t care what other moms decided to do with their careers and kids. To each her own. We’re all adults and we’re all free to make decisions for our families. I presume you’re doing your best, and I thank you for letting me do my best.
I’ve been living under that guidance for the last few years and essentially put the whole “mommy wars” crap out of my mind. But there is always someone who has to fan the flames of the “mommy wars” in me and send me emails exhorting how I’ve got it all wrong. How all moms are “working moms” – yada, yada, yada. Please hold, while I grab my trash can and vomit.
Ok, so I don’t mean to be totally insensitive, but this is a huge peeve. But let’s just be honest, a mom who is holding up a career – whether that be a side business, a full-fledged entrepreneurial venture or a 9-to-5 gig – has vastly different issues compared to a mom who stays at home to raise her kids. Yes, both are “working,” but the work we do is different. Yes. It just is. And while I’m sure a Web site that addresses the needs of every mom on the planet is a terrific idea, it’s just not what this site or my Examiner.com column is all about. It just isn’t and it’s not likely to change in the near future. So gimme a break, alright?
Everyone is called to follow a passion and purpose in life. Some of us are called to stay at home with our kids. Others are called to continue in their careers, no matter how that looks. In my view, your choice is just as valid as my choice, but let me make it totally clear in case I’m still a being a bit fuzzy about my opinion – a mom’s decision to stay at home or continue in your career is a personal choice. I’m not wrong, and neither are you.
So there.
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I understand what you’re saying. There’s no “right or wrong”, but there are differences.
However (hold your trashcan), I understand when people say that all moms are “working moms”. People get paid (well in Manhattan, I might add) to watch other people’s kids and perform half the duties that stay at home moms do. Just because you’re not getting paid to do it doesn’t mean that it’s lesser “work”.
Having said that, I just don’t understand why people would have a problem with different “niches” of mom needs being addressed. That’s a little crazy. I think that you are doing a great job and providing a wonderful service with this site/your work!