“My life feels like the movie Groundhog Day,” I complained to my friend during one of our early morning runs. She nodded in agreement because she knew exactly how I felt.
As working moms, we’re consumed by routines that keep our busy lives in order. In the midst of chaos and uncertainty, routine becomes our best friend. It’s our security blanket and anchor that holds us firm as the world swirls around us.
Then one day there’s a lull in the storm and in this fleeting moment of peace we realize that despite all the effort we’ve put into our lives, we’re woefully stuck in the same place we were last week, last month, or last year. Our goals, aspirations and desires are lifeless and we feel helpless to change it. We’re stuck.
Whenever I find myself in this situation, I stop to reevaluate my work-life priorities with these five questions:
- How did I get here? In the movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray’s character, Phil, is forced to repeat February 2nd (Groundhog Day) until he learns very important lessons about his life and his priorities. Without going through the heartache Phil experienced in the movie, you can do the same by consciously reflecting on how you arrived where you are today. What priorities have you ignored? When did you say “yes” when you should have said “no?” Saying “yes” to things that don’t align with your priorities or personal mission creates a traffic jam of to-do’s that have little to do with your goals or dreams and traps you in the joy-sucking swamp called “Stuck.”
- Where do I want to be? The busyness of work and life distances you from your goals. The things you say you want aren’t important when you’re called out of work for a sick child, or your boss surprises you with a new project. Reconnect with your goals and dreams by writing them down. The best way to do this is to set aside 20-30 minutes of private, quiet time with a journal or blank sheets of paper. Settle down and free-write (that means so self-editing!) your goals and dreams. Jotting your ideas down creates an instant surge of inspiration and may be enough to get you unstuck. At the very least, it creates a jumping off point for the next few questions.
- Who will support me? Working motherhood isn’t a solo endeavor and you needn’t do it alone. It’s okay to ask for and receive help; ultimately, it makes you a stronger, more effective woman. Whether you’re married or single, you can find people to support you in your dreams. Consider the kind of support you need first, – emotional (cheerleader) or tactical (hands-on) – and then think of people who can help. And don’t forget to reach out to them and tell them what you’re up to!
- What must I do? You’ve figured out how you got stuck, reconnected with your goals and created a support team, now it’s time to move into action. Begin by deciding on the goal(s) you want to pursue, and by when. For example, maybe you want to change your career drastically – let’s say, from finance to nursing. Decide upon a date (i.e I will have my nursing degree and work in Labor & Delivery for Acme Hospital by June 30, 2011.), then chunk down your goal, working backward, by asking yourself, “What must I do by [insert milestone date] to have a realistic chance of meeting this goal?” For example, if you’ve set a goal for two years, you might set milestone dates one year, 6 months, 90 days, 30 days, 2 weeks, and 7 days out.
- When will I begin? Wanting something without being willing is the surest way to remain stuck. Of course, pining over your dreams is often far easier than doing the work to achieve them. Be real with yourself. If you’re stuck in “I want it” mode and don’t have an ounce of willingness, it’s okay, but there is little use in moving into heavy just action yet. You’ll end up fizzling out before long and become frustrated. Instead use this time, to assess whether you really want the dream (Is it even yours? Or something someone said would be good for you?). Then, when you’re willing to get started, jump in without hesitation. I’ll be here cheering you on.
Unstuck Attitude #1. I learn from my experiences; I do things differently so I can get different results.
Unstuck Attitude #2. My dreams inspire, motivate and propel me into action.
Unstuck Attitude #3. I’m more effective with the support of “my team.”
Unstuck Attitude #4. My action plan keeps me focused and eliminates priority-busting distractions.
Unstuck Attitude #5. When I am willing, I make things happen.
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