On Tuesday, my daughter mentioned that one of her good friend hadn’t been in school all week and she hoped she was okay. I affirmed this and lightly responded, “Maybe she’s sick.”
On Wednesday, my daughter told me that her friend’s dad had died and that’s why she was out of school. I was immediately consumed with so much sadness and regret that it brought tears to my eyes. My daughter looked at me strangely as if to wonder, “Why the heck are you crying?” then spun around to play with her brother and sister.
On Thursday, my daughter informed me that her friend was moving away to be closer to her extended family. And again, I’m filled with grief, but hold back my tears as I wonder what’s going on in my daughter’s head because she seems to be totally unaffected by any of this.
I didn’t know my daughter’s friend very well and only spoke to her mom in passing as we dropped off or picked up our children from school; occasionally, we would chat at school-hosted parent events or field tips. I rarely spoke to her father, except to wave “hello” as he waited in their SUV. Part of my regret comes from not taking the time to get to know this wonderful family and their daughter, whom my daughter had obviously grown fond of. You know the excuses, “I’ve gotta go, but I’ll see you next time.” I’m saddened that there won’t be a next time to befriend her father or get to know her mother more, and perhaps there won’t be a next time for the girls to get together outside of school (something we’d been planning since last school year) before they move away.
I’m overcome with the reality of life and how fleeting it really can be. And I’m shocked into the awareness that despite all the complaints I have about the rising cost of living, the oppressive Arizona heat, and the daily struggle to figure out what’s for dinner, that none of it really matters in the absence of the people I care most about. My impulse is to lock my family in our home and hold them close forever, but that’s irrational. Instead, I’ll just hold on to this uncomfortable feeling of sadness and regret for a bit so that I can always remember how truly important it is to put first things first in life.
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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Michele, Wow! This post really hit me. I was 6 when my dad passed away. Although we didn’t move away, people moved away from us…it was unusual in the early 1970s and EVERYONE had two parents.
This post is a great reminder to live each day to the fullest because we truly never know what the future will bring: good or bad, happy or sad.
Similar things have happened in my life that bring a bit of perspective. When this happens, I often spend days crying on and off and remember to thank God for all of the people and things I’ve been blessed with.
Thank you for this – It touched my heart (wow!) and I didn’t even know the people involved. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this and I will do the same. I have a good friend who just lost her Aunt (to cancer) and it’s been hard for her. She was sharing with me the experience of having to deal with it all while trying to comfort her 6 year old daughter who was full of sadness and questions. This was great! I can not wait to forward it on to her and to many others. Sorry about the loss – My condolences goes out to the family and anyone else whose lives have been altered because of this. May strength carry you all, during this very difficult time. Vicki Wade
This is one of those times in life that really make you think hard about the ones you love and asking question, do they know and do I share enough of myself with them.
My family recently lost a loved on to a horrible motor cycle accident. A 38 year old father of 4 left behind his family and it broke all our hearts.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine what she must be going through to lose a parent so early. You’re right on all counts. Things like this remind us of how temporary everything is, appreciate every moment.
I completely agree. We all need to take more time to reflect on our own lives and to reach out and get to know others.
What a thought-provoking post. Thank you. I remind my husband quite regularly that our finances are not the important part of our lives. I always try to remember what matters most.
That is so heart breaking to hear. I found myself in a similiar situation with my sons friend. His dad passed from a sudden massive heart attack and when my son found out, I cried. It really affected me as this story too has touched my heart.
sometimes it takes something so tragic like this to make us realize that we need to slow down and take time for ourselves and our family. I loved this post, thanks for writing it.
How sad!! Sometimes i want to lock my family in the house and never let them leave too. i have a great fear of me or my family dying in a car accident. i whisper lots of little prayers especially since my hubby drives a lot for his work.
shannon
i like early mornings too, although me and snooze are good friends too:(
shannon
Rock Star Maternity
The Domestic Engineer’s Union
I’m am sorry to hear that. It must be hard for her losing her Mom so early. I can’t imagine.
I agree too. We must cherish every moment with family and friends.
Things like this really put what’s important in perspective, the people we love. Thanks for the reminder.
I can certainly understand your sadness. It can be hard to be so close to the mortality of another person and wish that you had the opportunity to get to know them better. I can also understand the impulse to want to hold your own family close and never let them go. If only the stories “invisible force field” actually existed. It would be a mother’s dream come true.
It’s always hard when a someone looses someone. Your daughter may be holding in her grief and you should help her find a healthy way to deal with all of it.
What a sad story…and yes, it does make you realize how fragile life is and makes all the things you thought were important, seem so unimportant. Makes me wanna go give my kids another kiss while they’re sleeping!
I lost my dad when I was 13 suddenly and very tragically. Through that experience, I’ve learned to always treasure my family and the people around me, never ever ever leave one another angry or go to bed mad at one another, and seize everyday as if it were your last. I’m so sorry to hear of this loss…keep connecting with your daughter, not necessarily about death and this loss, but listen and look for concerns or worries she may have down the road. Kids are awfully resilient and amazingly manage themselves quite well through the most challenging of times. I will keep all of you in my thoughts!